Saturday, 18th of September, 1999
OK, so Southwestern Bell, the telco company here, comes to where I work yesterday and is going to install a dual 128k ISDN line. A little while later, they tell us, "No, we can't do it, we ran out of nodes, you'll have to wait until December." Ahhh! We are just like 100 feet in the wrong zone of St. Louis City, if only we were on the other side of I-64, we'd have the option of ASDL and cable modems! Time to get DirectPC or something, hehe. Stupid phone company, they need to quickly privatise all this telco business.
I just came back from Illinois doing stuff for the program Road Scholars, it was pretty cool. The
three of us all got to ride in their nice Combine Machine. Man was
it fast and efficient! It had GPS, pressurized cabins, and all the good stuff. Oh, and it was such a pretty day outside today,
the nice 3-colour sky, no clouds, nice weather. I had fun just laying
in the middle of a freshly harvested corn field and looking at the sky
and relaxing.
Friday, 17th of September, 1999
RAM prices have been insane lately. It's now $99 for a 64MB PC100 DIMM! It was only $32 like a month ago! I'm glad I got all the memory I need for my computer at home and ordered RAM for the Macintoshes at work before all this. And wow, do these prices keep on going up and down. It's estimated that by December 31st, 1999, a 128MB SDRAM module will cost $400. Wow! That is insane!
Thursday, 16th of September, 1999
Stupid crap. My glasses broke tonight. I was just sitting there and the a spring on the left arm popped out. Gotta get that fixed soon, and until then, I'll just wear contacts.
Wednesday, 15th of September, 1999
I pulled an all nighter last night. I didn't ge home until pretty late because of a violin lesson and I had to work on a project for Poetry Analysis, and then study for today's Calculus III class at Washington University.
Tuesday, 14th of September, 1999
Monday, 13th of September, 1999
The Strolling Strings performed at the St. Louis Rams NFL Football team's training centre today. There was a fund raiser. We got to see some of the known people in St. Louis such as news sports anchors.
I have stubled over some funny stuff today (comments in parentheses):
Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the
wrong way.
You might be an engineer if:
- you take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room. (hey, I liked the engine room of that boat in New Orleans)
- in college you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
- the sales people at the local computer store can't answer any of your
questions (hey, I have that happen all the time)
- at an air show you know how fast the skydivers are falling. (of course! Terminal velocity?)
- you bought your wife a new CD-ROM drive for her birthday.
- you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
- you can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting.
- you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
- you sit backwards on the Disneyland rides to see how they do the special effects.
- you have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances. (Hey, they might be useful one day)
- you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
- you know what http:// stands for. (Hello, hypertext transfer protocol?)
- you look forward to Christmas so you can put the kids' toys together. (yeah!)
- you see a good design and still have to change it. (Hey, can't achieve perfection)
- you spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
- you still own a slide rule and know how to use it. (they're better than calculators)
- you think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.
- you window shop at Radio Shack (hey now, it's not even the hobby store that it used to be anyways)
- your laptop computer costs more than your car.
- your wife hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
- you've already calculated how much you make per second. (that's a good thing to know)
- you've tried to repair a $5 radio. (but it's fun!)
Darwin Awards:
GRAVITY KILLS A 22-year-old Reston man was found dead yesterday after
he
tried to use occy' straps (the stretchy little ropes with hooks on
each
end) to Bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle, police said.
Fairfax
County police said Eric A. Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch
of
these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the
other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped... and hit the
pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators
think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length
of
the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between
the
trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent
cause of death was "major trauma." An autopsy is scheduled for later
in
the week.
LAUNCHED ON THE FOURTH OF JULY
Three young men in Oklahoma were enjoying the upcoming Fourth of July
holiday and wanted to apparently test fire some fireworks. Their only
real problem was that their launch pad and seating arrangements were
atop a several hundred thousand gallon fuel distillation storage
tank.
Oddly enough, some fumes were ignited, producing a fireball seen for
miles. They were launched several hundred feet into the air and were
found dead 250 yards from their respective seats.
CATCH!
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say,
but
there's a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems he and a
friend were playing catch with a rattlesnake. You can guess what
happened from here. The friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate)
was
hospitalized.
THEY SAY THOSE THINGS WILL KILL YOU
Not much was given to me on this unlucky fellow, but he qualifies
nonetheless. You see, there was a gentleman from Korea who was
killed
by his cell phone ... more or less. He was doing the usual "walking
and
talking when he walked into a tree and managed to somehow break his
neck. Keep that in mind the next time you decide to drive and dial
at
the same time.
GIMME A LIGHT!
In a west Texas town, employees in a medium-sized warehouse noticed
the
smell of gas. Sensibly, management evacuated the building,
extinguishing
all potential sources of ignition-lights, power, etc. After the
building
had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were
dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had
difficulty
navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights
worked. Witnesses later described the vision of one of the
technicians
reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object that resembled a
lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the
warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away.
Nothing
was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched
by
the explosion. The technician that was suspected of causing the
explosion had never been thought of as "bright" by his peers.
RUNNER UP..
A Vermont native, Ronald Demuth, found himself in a difficult
position
yesterday. While touring the Eagle's Rock African Safari (Zoo) with
a
group of thespians from St. Petersburg, Russia, Mr. Demuth went
overboard to show them one of America's many marvels. He demonstrated
the effectiveness of "Crazy Glue"... the hard way. Apparently,
Mr.Demuth
wanted to demonstrate just how good the adhesive was, so he put about
3
ounces of the adhesive in the palms of his hands, and jokingly placed
them on the buttocks of a passing rhino. The rhino, a resident of the
zoo for the past thirteen years, was not initially startled as it has
been part of the petting exhibit since its arrival as a baby.
However,
once it became aware of its being involuntarily stuck to Mr. Demuth,
it
began to panic and ran around the petting area wildly making Mr.
Demuth
an unintended passenger. "Sally [the rhino] hasn't been feeling well
lately. She had been very constipated. We had just given her a
laxative
and some depressants to relax her bowels, when Mr.Demuth played his
juvenile prank," said James Douglass, caretaker. During Sally's
tirade
two fences were destroyed, a shed wall was gored, and a number of
small
animals escaped. Also, during the stampede, three pygmy goats and
one
duck were stomped to death. As for Demuth, it took a team of medics
and
zoo caretakers' to remove his hands from her buttocks. First, the
animal
had to be captured and calmed down. However,during this process the
laxatives began to take hold and Mr. Demuth was repeatedly showered
with
over 30 gallons of rhino diarrhea. "It was tricky. We had to calm
her
down, while at the same time shield our faces from being pelted with
rhino dung. I guess you could say that Mr. Demuth was into it up to
his
neck. Once she was under control, we had three people with shovels
working to keep an air passage open for Mr. Demuth. We were able to
tranquilize her and apply a solvent to remove his hands from her
rear,"
said Douglass. "I don't think he'll be playing with Crazy Glue for a
while." Meanwhile, the Russians, while obviously amused, also were
impressed with the power of the adhesive. "I'm going to buy some for
my
children, but of course they can't take it to the zoo," commented
Vladimir Zolnikov, leader of the troupe.
DARWIN AWARD RUNNERS-UP:
#1 - LOS ANGELES, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother decided to
remove
a bees' nest from a shed on their property with the aid of
a'pineapple'. A 'pineapple' is an illegal firecracker which is the
explosive equivalent of one-half stick of dynamite. They ignited the
fuse and retreated to watch from inside their home, behind a window
some
10 feet away from the hive/shed. The concussion of the explosion
shattered the window inwards, seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding
Mr.Saduki needed stitches, the brothers headed out to go to a nearby
hospital. While walking towards their car, Ani was stung three times
by
the surviving bees. Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was allergic
to
bee venom, and died of suffocation en-route to the hospital.
#2 - Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in Minneapolis
with
third-degree murder in the death of his beloved cousin, Kenneth E.
Richards. According to police, Derrick suggested a game of Russian
roulette and put a semiautomatic pistol (instead of the more
traditional
revolver) to Ken's head and fired.
#3 - PHILLIPSBURG, NJ. An unidentified 29 year old male choked to
death
on a sequined pastie he had orally removed from an exotic dancer at a
local establishment. "I didn't think he was going to eat it," the
dancer identified only as "Ginger" said, adding "He was really
drunk."
#5 - MOSCOW, Russia - A drunk security man asked a colleague at the
Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his bulletproof vest to see if
it
would protect him against a knife attack. It didn't, and the
25-year-old
guard died of a heart wound. (It's good to see the Russians getting
into the spirit of the Darwin Awards.)
#6 - In FRANCE, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he
decided
to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a
noose
around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock.
He
drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to
shoot
himself at the last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. The
bullet
missed him completely and cut through the rope above him. Free of
the
threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking
extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was
dragged
out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to a
hospital,where
he died of hypothermia.
#7 - RENTON, WASHINGTON, USA. A Renton, Washington man tried to
commit
a robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the
fact that he had no previous record of violent crime, and by his
terminally stupid choices as listed below:
- The target was H&J Leather & Firearms...a gun shop.
- The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial
portion of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed
handguns
in public places.
- To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol
car
parked at the front door.
- An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having
coffee before reporting to duty. Upon seeing the officer, the
would-be
robber announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots. The officer and
a
clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the gene pool.
Several
other customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire. No one else
was
hurt.
AND THE 1999 DARWIN AWARD WINNER IS.....THOMPSON, MANITOBA, CANADA.
Telephone relay company night watchman Edward Baker, 31, was killed
early Christmas morning by excessive microwave radiation exposure. He
was apparently attempting to keep warm next to a telecommunications
feed-horn. Baker had been suspended on a safety violation once last
year, according to Northern Manitoba Signal Relay spokesperson Tanya
Cooke. She noted that Baker's earlier infraction was for defeating a
safety shut-off switch and entering a restricted maintenance catwalk
in
order to stand in front of the microwave dish. He had told coworkers
that it was the only way he could stay warm during his twelve-hour
shift
at the station, where winter temperatures often dip to forty below
zero.
Microwaves can heat water molecules within human tissue in the same
way
that they heat food in microwave ovens. For his Christmas shift,
Baker
reportedly brought a twelve pack of beer and a plastic lawn chair,
which
he positioned directly in line with the strongest microwave beam.
Baker
had not been told about a tenfold boost in microwave power planned
that
night to handle the anticipated increase in holiday long-distance
calling traffic. Baker's body was discovered by the daytime watchman,
John Burns, who was greeted by an odor he mistook for a Christmas
roast
he thought Baker must have prepared as a surprise. Burns also
reported
to NMSR company officials that Baker's unfinished beers had exploded.
Sunday, 12th of September, 1999
I played in Mrs. Percival's church, St. Paul Evangelical Church's orchestra today. We played the early morning service and the first part of the second service. It was pretty fun. I drove around in the rain some today, it was pretty interesting.